December 20-24, 2001
Though the formal AGM was not scheduled to begin until 2pm, the first members of the PCC drifted in to the pre-meeting gathering-spot right after lunch. We had arranged to tie-up at the lobby bar1 of the Dusit Thani Hotel: a five star property located just off Lumpini Park and within a five minute walk of the Patpong Entertainment Zone. Alf arrived first, via taxi. Ning, a few minutes later, on the back of a motorcycle. Ohmy was the first of the Patpongettes to arrive; Gift and Amma walked in just after we'd completed the first round of drinks.2
The talk from then on was all about corkscrews. Ohmy, Gift and Amma had seen them before ... or, at least, they thought they had. When I explained what they did3 they nodded with apparent understanding. Ning, at one time having worked in a restaurant and a bar, was well aware of how these little engines made life easier for both pourers and drinkers. But, when I showed all of them Don Bull's book (the big one) they were amazed at the variety. And, dear reader, it was at this point that their excitement really started to grow. Wide-eyed, giddy almost; they pressed forward to look at the pictures. As I turned the pages their fingers pointed here and there, almost childlike with enthusiasm: the shiny Gilchrist "Yankee", the Corozo nut walking stick, all those wonderful Henshalls, the Syroco Indian ... "Oh My!" gushed Ohmy as the book flipped open to page 44 and "all those sexy legs." Gift wanted a Mermaid all of her own; Amma, a peg & worm ... "and lots of 'em ... they're so ... ohhh ... you know what!"
But, it was time to get down to business. The Dusit Thani bar bill was paid, we gathered up our things and walked over to the Sala Dang Place.4 It was here that we had booked a suite for our first AGM.5
Right away, the Club's welcoming banner was unfurled and hung on the wall. Bull's reference books were laid out on tables. Corkscrews were pulled from bags and scattered about. We were ready to march into the agenda.
Our newest charter/founding members (Ohmy, Gift and Ammy) were eager to try on their new club singlets. Before the gavel made everything all formal and stiff they wanted to be properly decked-out for the occasion. This, of course, meant some primping, play and snapping of each other's underwear ... some girlish cuddles ... some thrown back laughter ... some tickles and some suggestive hip clicking. Well, it can't be all business can it? What's a club for if not to have a bit of fun before we get down to discussing (I), (A), (1), (a)?
But, we'll save those alpha-numeric bits for tomorrow.
1 Flip back a couple of weeks, dear reader. This is where the five of us had our very first get-together. Where you, dear ones, first saw Ohmy, Amma and Gift ... Ning, too.
2 Diet Coke and Perrier. Heavier and headier things were avoided as the girls wanted to look and act fresh and light for their first AGM.
3 The machine allowed us to get at the contents of the bottle without actually breaking off the neck.
4 The Sala Dang Place has quite a history to it. Do you remember? Sure, you do. You must! For it is here ... where it is alleged ... that the 'good doctor' took his 'medicated' wife (after her drug-lathered sushi lunch) for that postprandial dismemberment. Yes, where she was chopped up, diced ... or whatever ... and flushed, piece-by-piece, down the toilet. Do you remember it now? Two apartments had to be used as there was a bit of clogging at the first pace ... some meat got lodged in the pipes and the chunkier stuff just backed up past the "U-Bend" ... no amount of poking would clear things ... so, the remaining hunks had to be bagged and taken somewhere else for the balance of the disposal.
5 See footnote (4). Our suite had two toilets. It is not known if ours was the same one that was used for last year's chopping up. Surely, there was no indication that the place had a 'history' to it: there was no telltale smell; no strange stains and the plumbing seemed to work well.
Yesterday we left you at just about the time that the PCC AGM was about to start. We'd already checked into our suite at the Sala Dang Place, the welcoming banner had been hung, Bull's treatises were laid out on the table and the ... yes, the all important ... corkscrews had been brought out.
Our Patpongettes had just freshened themselves ... had wound up a bit of a frolic with each other: playful little undergarment tugs, exchanging cozies, girlish intimacies ... the things that men always like to watch. 'Kittens at play' ... yes, that sort of sums it up.
Promptly at 5pm the Annual General Meeting of the Patpong Corkscrew Club was called to order:
Alf: "I'd like to welcome all the attending members to the 2001 AGM of the Patpong Corkscrew Club. For the record, those attending today's meeting are Alf, Ning, Ohmy, Amma and Gift."
All: "Here, here ... cheers!"
Alf: "To the Patpongettes, whose juice all men like."
Gift: "I think it should be, 'To the Patpongettes, whose work and juice all men like'."
Ohmy: "I thought it was, 'To the Patpongettes, whose work and juice all men confess who love their use'."
Amma: "Isn't it, 'To the Patpongettes, whose use all men confess they like along with their juice'."
Alf: "Whatever ... let's move on to the club prayer."
Alf: "Good Lord, Maker of All Bits and Pieces ... please bless these Patpongettes and their juices ... and may He damn any yeast1 infection that may live therein ... and may, with His blessing, they remain as slippery as ever."
Alf: "Regrets and apologies have been received from members Bull, Hunt, Mariet, Solheim and young Kim."
Gift: "Kim? Who is this Kim?"
Ohmy: "And, Mariet, who is she?"
Amma: "Don Bull, Nick Hunt and Helgir Solheim ... we know them. All guys! But, what's with Kim and Mariet? I thought we were the only girls."
Alf: "No worry! They are farangs. But, I think we have pictures of both of them somewhere around here ... [shuffle, shuffle] ... yes, here is one of Kim at the beach ... and, there is one of Mariet, taken at our Scandinavian corkscrew meeting."
All: "Really beautiful! Both of them."
Alf: "True ... now let's move on to the next item on the agenda."
BANNER LOOK-A-LIKE CONTEST
Alf: "Who wants to participate in the Banner Look-a-Like Contest?"
Ohmy: "I do."
Amma: "For sure."
Gift: "Me, too."
Alf: "OK, that's three ... Ning and I are the only two 'out'. Two poses will be allowed each contestant: one frontal and one from the rear. Both will be in the total nude. Is that OK?"
All: "Mumble ... murmur ... mumble ... but, who will be the judge?"
Alf: "How about if we put it to an Internet vote?"2
All: "That's fine. But, when will we know who won? And, is there a prize?"
Alf: "The prize will probably be the modeling job for CB-4 ... and a trip to Switzerland. Anyway, let's get on with it. Who wants to go first?"
Alf: "OK, Gift is first, followed by Amma and Ohmy. Give it your best shots."
[Dear reader, as this item on the PCC AGM agenda took longer than expected, the next items will be covered in subsequent journal entries.]
1 Corkscrew club tradition demands that prayers always have something to say about yeast. Sometimes this is easy to work in ... other times, not so.
2 Please send your vote to Alf@Corkscrew-Balloon.Com.
Yesterday ... working our way through the AGM agenda ... we had just about finished the 5th item on the page, the 'Banner Look-A-Like Contest', before the clock made us pause.
Dear reader, now we are almost at the 'core' of our 'raison d'être' ... corkscrews, and their standard reference works! But before we start to pick up the tools, flip open the books and get down to work ... well ... the girls of our club want to give you one more "Big Hi" from in front of our welcome banner. This time, all three of them together: signifying their unity, their bond, and their commitment to the little cork engines that brought us all together right here in downtown Patpong. It's their joint little way of saying, "A Vote For Me is a Vote for All"!1
Alf: "Each of you has a corkscrew in hand. Please share your thoughts."
'THE ULTIMATE CORKSCREW BOOK' 2
Alf: "Both of these books are by fellow PCC member Don Bull. PCC member Mariet Peters's husband, Ferd Peters, is also the author of one of the standard works but, sadly, our copy of his book is in Florida."
Gift (again): "But, when do we get to try on our new Club shirts?"
Amma and Ohmy (in unison): "Yes, we've been waiting all day for this."
Alf: "That's the next item on the agenda: 'Shirt Try-On Time'."
1 Someday, God willing, the lucky winner will share the sky with her sisters of the air: the Screwmaids.
2 Also, BULL'S POCKET GUIDE TO CORKSCREWS.
Alf: "Hmmm ... it looks like we're right up to Item 8. Yes, we have been moving along quite briskly, haven't we? Not like some of those AGMs that some of us have had to sit through. Yes, yes ... now all the boring bits are behind us ... and in record speed. Now it's time for:
LET THE GIRLS TRY ON THEIR NEW CLUB SHIRTS
[Squeals of excitement as they toss themselves onto the couch ... shirts proudly in hand.]
Readers are asked to pause ... sit back and watch ... as the girls check out the texture and design of their new shirts. See their girlish delight just bubble forth as they allow the folds of the fabric to tumble through their nimble fingers ... as the soft cotton caresses their warm, young, supple, lithe ....
SITE OF THE 2002 AGM
Alf: "Member Bull has volunteered to host the 2002 AGM of the Patpong Corkscrew Club in his hometown of Wirtz, Virginia ... in the USA. And, member Hunt has invited us to Australia. Helgir wants us to come to Norway; Peters is offering the Netherlands."
Ohmy: "But, would it be the same without Patpong?"
Amma: "And, are those far and distant places really where we want to be?"
Gift: "Shouldn't we just keep the Patpong in Patpong?"
Alf: "I guess that's the vote. So, we'll just keep our AGMs in Patpong ... but, how about if we send a representative to these other lands? Perhaps we could ask 'them' to give us an invitation so that one of you could bring a little bit of Patpong to ... say ... Wirtz, or Sydney, or Heel, or Oslo."
Ohmy, Amma and Gift (like songbirds in chirping unison): "Yes! Yes! But, dear God, let it be me!"
Gift: "You know, this has been fun. I'd really hate to wait for a whole year to pass before we got together again."
Ohmy: "Me too. Maybe we could make it a MGM."1
Amma: "How about a WGM!"2
Alf: "Finally ... before we close ... I'd like to read this Christmas message from Don Bull."
Christmas in Bangkok
'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the city
Alf had been on the prowl for some titty;
Stockings were strewn about his room without care,
From the Patpongettes who had been there.
The Patpongettes were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of corkscrews danced in their heads;
Gift, Amma and Ohmy just finished a nightcap,
And had just settled down for a long day's nap,
When down in the lobby arose such a clatter,
Alf sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Down the stairs he flew like a flash,
Where before him was an awesome bash.
The night seemingly forever would go,
As Alf admired what he saw below
And, where would his eyes come to rest,
But on four girls with eight tiny breasts.
Ready for any action, so lively and quick,
From the four he could have his pick.
More rapid than eagles the girls they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Ohmy! now, Gift! now, Amma and Yourjoy!
Dream Helgir! Dream Mariet! Dream Nick and Young Kim!
To the top. To the Top, Alf will call
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the Penthouse the girls they flew,
With bags full of corkscrew toys, and Alf too.
And then, in a twinkling, Alf heard in the room
The prancing and dancing did resume.
As he held out his hand, and was turning around
Bursting into the room came Nick with a bound.
He was dressed in his PCC shirt,
And was wearing a very short skirt.
A bundle of corkscrews was flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His drool did drip from his mouth like falling snow,
As he looked at Ohmy wearing only a bow.
Smile he did showing his pearly white teeth,
At Amma who was wearing only a wreath,
He saw that he was being filmed via the telly,
and he laughed his stomach shaking like a bowlful of jelly.
He was happy and content, a right jolly littLe elf,
And Alf laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;
Nick winked and twisted his head,
Alf knew he had nothing to dread.
Nick spoke not a word, but went straight to the girls,
Admiring their breasts and touching their curls,
And laying on the bed he struck such a pose,
He smiled gleefully and simply rose.
He sprang to his feet, and gave the girls a whistle,
And away he ran like tumbling thistle,
But Alf heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
1 Monthly General Meeting.
2 Weekly General Meeting.
St. Gregory the Great's maiden aunt. After her death, her knees were found to be 'as tough as the hide of a camel,' due to her diligence in prayer.
David and Adriana are here: they arrived yesterday ... they flew from Florida via Newark, using the polar route.1 So is Paul; he arrived early this morning ... via the more traditional Tokyo change-of-planes stop. They will stay at The Oriental through Christmas and the New Year.
So, it's now time to gently back my way out of Patpong ... time for all of us to start our obligatory lock-step walk to the little straw-filled manger.2 After a quick peek we can start thinking about the New Year.
Over to Paul ...
1 Allowing them to go immediately from Eastern Standard Time to South East Asia Time (normally a 12 time zone jump) with just one 'click' (as they passed right over the pole).
2 Thailand, being a Buddhist country, has put a proper spin on Christmas. The commercial aspects of it are emphasized almost to the total exclusion of the mythical parts. Santa Claus is well thought-of in Bangkok (including all parts of the Patpong Entertainment Zone).
Next: Paul's Bangkok Journal