Bangkok, March 2008

Reader K**** from California, a software specialist, sent me this explanation as to why some of my programs are having launch problems:

Dear Madam,

Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks

customer

To: APPLICANT

Dear ****

This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed!!

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

REGARDS

K****

Monday, March 17, 2008 (St. Pat's Day)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On March 15, two bombs exploded at the CS Pattani Hotel in Pattani Province in southern Thailand. Two people died and thirteen were injured. A car bomb exploded in Yala Province on the same day, killing the driver. Since 2005, the far south of Thailand has experienced almost daily incidents of criminally and politically motivated violence, including incidents attributed to armed local separatist/extremist groups. Although the extremist groups focus primarily on Thai government interests in the southern provinces, some of the recent violence in the area has targeted public places, including areas where tourists may congregate.

U.S. Citizens should be aware that the Department of State urges U.S. citizens to defer non-emergency travel to the far south of Thailand: Narathiwat, Pattani, Yala and Songkhla provinces, including the town of Hat Yai. If U.S. citizens must travel to these areas, they should exercise special caution and remain vigilant with regard to their personal security.

For further information on travel to Thailand please see the Country Specific Information at: http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_1040.html.

Americans living in or visiting Thailand are encouraged to register with the U.S. Embassy in Bangkok or the U.S. Consulate in Chiang Mai through the State Department's travel registration web site <https://travelregistration.state.gov/>, and to obtain updated information on travel and security within Thailand. Americans without internet access may register directly with the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate. By registering, American citizens make it easier for the Embassy or Consulate to contact them in case of emergency. The consular section of the U.S. Embassy is located at 95 Wireless Road in Bangkok; The U.S. mailing address is APO, AP 96546-0001. The central switchboard number is (66-2) 205-4000; The American Citizens Services Unit number is (66-2) 205-4049; and the fax number is (66-2) 205-4103. The website for the U.S. Embassy is http://bangkok.usembassy.gov. American citizens can register online via the website. Questions regarding American Citizens Services can be submitted by e-mail to ACSBKK@state.gov. The U.S. Consulate General in Chiang Mai is located at 387 Wichayanond Road; The U.S. mailing address is Box C, APO, AP 96546. The telephone number is (66-53) 252-629 and the fax number is (66-53) 252-633.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 (Ash Wednesday ... I think)

I guess that this is the start of the week when Christians begin moaning about some imaginary events. This quote from Stephen Roberts and an anonymous bit that I found on the Evil Bible forum tries to lessen the moaning.

"We are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." — Stephen Roberts

You're an unbeliever, just like me. You doubt many sacred dogmas. Let me show you:

Millions of Hindus pray over statues of Shiva's penis. Do you think there's an invisible Shiva who wants his penis prayed over — or are you a skeptic?
Mormons say that Jesus came to America after his resurrection. Do you agree — or are you a doubter?
Florida's Santeria worshipers sacrifice dogs, goats, chickens, etc., and toss their bodies into waterways. Do you think Santeria gods want animals killed — or are you skeptical?
Muslim suicide bombers who blow themselves up in Israel are taught that "martyrs" go instantly to a paradise full of lovely female houri nymphs. Do you think the bombers now are in heaven with houris — or are you a doubter?
Unification Church members think Jesus visited Master Moon and told him to convert all people as "Moonies." Do you believe this sacred tenet of the Unification Church?
Jehovah's Witnesses say that, any day now, Satan will come out of the earth with an army of demons, and Jesus will come out of the sky with an army of angels, and the Battle of Armageddon will kill everyone on earth except Jehovah's Witnesses. Do you believe this solemn teaching of their church?
Aztecs skinned maidens and cut out human hearts for a feathered serpent god. What's your stand on invisible feathered serpents? Aha! — just as I suspected, you don't believe.
Catholics are taught that the communion wafer and wine magically become the actual body and blood of Jesus during chants and bell-ringing. Do you believe in the "real presence" — or are you a disbeliever?
Faith-healer Ernest Angley says he has the power, described in the Bible, to "discern spirits," which enables him to see demons inside sick people, and see angels hovering at his revivals. Do you believe this religious assertion?
The Bible says people who work on the sabbath must be killed: "Whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death" (Exodus 31:15). Should we execute Sunday workers — or do you doubt this scripture?
At a golden temple in West Virginia, saffron-robed worshipers think they'll become one with Lord Krishna if they chant "Hare Krishna" enough. Do you agree — or do you doubt it?
Members of the Heaven's Gate commune said they could "shed their containers" (their bodies) and be transported to a UFO behind the Hale-Bopp Comet. Do you think they're now on that UFO — or are you a skeptic?
During the witch hunts, inquisitor priests tortured thousands of women into confessing that they blighted crops, had sex with Satan, etc. — then burned them for it. Do you think the church was right to enforce the Bible's command, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" (Exodus 22:18) — or do you doubt this scripture?
Members of Spiritualist churches say they talk with the dead during their worship services. Do you think they actually communicate with spirits of deceased people?
Millions of American Pentecostals spout "the unknown tongue," a spontaneous outpouring of sounds. They say it's the Holy Ghost, the third god of the Trinity, speaking through them. Do you believe this sacred tenet of many Americans?
Scientologists say each human has a soul which is a "Thetan" that came from another planet. Do you believe their doctrine — or doubt it?
Ancient Greeks thought a multitude of gods lived on Mt. Olympus — and some of today's New Agers think invisible Lemurians live inside Mt. Shasta. What's your position on mountain gods — belief or disbelief?
In the mountains of West Virginia, some people obey Christ's farewell command that true believers "shall take up serpents" (Mark 16:18). They pick up rattlers at church services. Do you believe this scripture, or not?
India's Thugs thought the many-armed goddess Kali wanted them to strangle human sacrifices. Do you think there's an invisible goddess who wants people strangled — or are you a disbeliever?
Tibet's Buddhists say that when an old Lama dies, his spirit enters a baby boy who's just being born somewhere. So they remain leaderless for a dozen years or more, then they find a boy who seems to have knowledge of the old Lama's private life, and they annoint the boy as the new Lama (actually the old Lama in a new body). Do you think that dying Lamas fly into new babies, or not?
In China in the 1850s, a Christian convert said God appeared to him, told him he was Jesus' younger brother, and commanded him to "destroy demons." He raised an army of believers who waged the Taiping Rebellion that killed 20 million people. Do you think he was Christ's brother — or do you doubt it?

... Etc., etc. You get the picture.

I'll bet there isn't a church member anywhere who doesn't think all those supernatural beliefs are goofy — except for the one he believes.

You see, by going through a laundry list of theologies, I think you can establish that the average Christian doubts 99 percent of the world's holy dogmas. But the 1 percent he believes is really no different than the rest. It's a system of miraculous claims, without any reliable evidence to support it.

So, if we can show people that some sacred "truths" are nutty, maybe subconscious logic will seep through, and they'll realize that if some magical beliefs are irrational, all may be.

This progression is rather like a scene in the poignant Peter de Vries novel, The Blood of the Lamb. A gushy woman compliments a Jew because "your people" reduced the many gods of polytheism to just one god. The man replies: "Which is just a step from the truth."

Meanwhile, it's encouraging to realize that almost everyone in the world is a skeptic — at least about other people's religion.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Watcharee's two Florida Thai friends came for dinner on our porch. They are Ta and Tean. We had suki.

Friday, March 21, 2008 (Tack-tack-tack Friday)

Yesterday was Maundy Thursday (*). To celebrate this mid-holy-week occasion Pom and Golf joined us for a round of McDonalds spiced with some Bangkok soi food.

While we were dining a river boat passed our building. This Maundy Thursday dinner cruise ship also was packed with celebrants.

This morning a banded pigeon landed on the very same table where we had our celebratory meal last night. What do you think that means?

(*) This is the day that Judas turned "state's evidence" and got himself a new identity under the witness protection program, isn't it?

Saturday, March 22, 2008 (Still Dead Saturday)

In a few hours we will leave for the Bangkok airport for the first of our two flights to Miami. The first one is a 12 hour nonstop BA flight from BKK to LHR. The second nonstop flight is from LHR to MIA; about 10 hours in duration.